February, The Month of Love

With Valentine's Day right around the corner I wanted to write about love and relationships. The term, "Conscious Uncoupling" became a buzz word for couples breaking up in a rational, adult, logical way. This term got me to thinking; why don't we focus on "Conscious Coupling"?

So many people get into relationships that are all "I" based. I love you, I want to be with you, I need this from you, I don't feel good anymore, I am leaving. We are two "I"'s that come together but if we cannot become a "WE" chances are the relationship will not last.

 Dr. John Gottman's third level of his Sound Relationship House Model is "Turn Towards instead of Away". Examples of turning towards could be: Your partner comes and sits very close to you while you are sitting on the couch reading a book. Instead of continuing to read you simply put the book down, put your arm around them and ask them how their day was. Another example is perhaps grabbing your partner's hand before you walk out the door in the morning and telling them how thankful you are that they are in your life and that you love them. Little things like this done on a weekly basis build a strong emotional bond between you and your partner. The idea is that then when a disagreement ensues you already have a strong emotional bond that is full of love and trust which helps the disagreeement dissipate faster; bringing you and your partner back to your loving, trusting homeostasis; your natural way of being.

Looking out for your partner and their needs brings you into the "WE" stage of the relationship. Discussing what is best for the partnership and the two of you as a couple is what makes for a long lasting, healthy, loving relationship.

So do some "Conscious Coupling" "Turn Towards" and have a wonderful Valentine's Day and beyond.

Warm Regards,


Kirsten Cantley